The Man Who Fell Asleep - Overheard underground

6th August 2009

1. Carlo Ancelloti looks a bit fucking thick. Massive, gormless face.
2. Madrid is another one. Terrible drive from the airport.
3. It's a lovely picture. It's a Rubins of a little baby, sketched in charcoal. He looks so serene.
4. What the fuck is a Tinchy Stryder?
5. Where is Cheshire? Is it England or Wales?

30th July 2009

1. He's deaf so we don't often take him out.
2. Why not just barge past me and push me out the way, eh? Twat.
3. Mandelson's got one of those goblin faces. Like Jordan.
4. Me and Jackie were going to head into town but it's roastin' so we're goin' home.
5. A frying pan for 99p? There's got to be something wrong with it.

23rd July 2009

1. Oh, you're such an egg.
2. So... He's the old minister at the church. Has he ever been mistaken for a peodophile?
3. I was sure it was Punjabi food, but it was actually Pakistani. Just goes to show...
4. She genuinely looked like someone's autistic cousin.
5. You going to the performance? Ahmed is in it.

16th July 2009

1. It's about more than just recycling and understanding your carbon footprint!
2. If i didnt get off on humiliation, I'd have a bloody miserable life.
3. I had sex with Abbie last night. Don't tell her though, cause she was asleep.
4. If you can feel yourself putting on weight, is that good thing or a bad thing?
5. A pony is NOT a form of transportation.

9th July 2009

1. Bikes were not invented for my body shape.
2. I don't know how to describe the colour blue to you, but its very colourful.
3. Just tell him you're now seeing someone else so you can't go out with him tonight.
4. She's very competitive. Even in bed.
5. Don't worry. Someone is bound to have a Swiss Army Knife.

2nd July 2009

1. The tracks are over 100 years old... they don't derail that often though.
2. Oh, where is my baby? Where's my Caesar?
3. He'll definitely regret breaking up with her. He was punching way above his weight.
4. I hope to join!
5. I feel sorry for my brother - the ugly, smelly, slobby one.

25th June 2009

1. I don't even know how to do buses. I am OK with trains though.
2. I've heard a lot of strange rumours about Brett Lee.
3. He's got a lovely soft Irish accent. He sounds like a cheese.
4. I'm so glad you have no memory of me.
5. I don't know what 'bludclart' means.

18th June 2009

1. You'll probably know in the first 10 minutes if youre going to like it or not.
2. In America they call brown sauce steak sauce.
3. I don't even know how to do buses. I am OK with trains though.
4. I just came downstairs and she was lying on the table.
5. What's that German film about Hitler in the bunker? No.... it's not a comedy.

11th June 2009

1. I can't believe Britney's meant to be sexy. She actually puts me off women in general.
2. We sat outside the dentist, tooting a horn on the guy's bike.
3. I think we're lower middle-class.
4. When you're on holiday, like, abroad, you get these breakfasts where it's all fruit.
5. Frank Lampard, John Terry and Steven Gerrard. They all look the same, don't they?

4th June 2009

1. I think my Dad must be a virgin.
2. I went to Cheltenham last week. It had no gay people, only one gay bar.
3. When are you going to watch the breakdancing?
4. Sheep is a sensitive topic in this country.
5. But I can see some blue sky.